The long road to self-acceptance

I suffer from depression and apparently I have done for many years. A�I’ve found thatA� http://the-dog.page-swiss.ch/?p=301244 The 5 Stages of Acceptance by Elisabeth Kubler-RossA�is a really good starting point for those of us that wonder why we’re not bouncing out of bed every morning.

I had an Ineternational career, a husband, a houseA�and a family that loved me. A�In 2009, we suffered a death in the family, shortly after I lost my job, my home and then my husband asked for a divorce. A�I had always considered myself to be very resilient and each time I got knocked down I would get back up but by January 2012 I was finding it harder and harder to get out of bed.

I battled on and on which is always the first stage -A�Denial strattera cost canada . “There’s nothing wrong”, “I’ll bounce back”, “I’ll feel better tomorrow”, “it’s just a phase”, “toughen up princess and get on with it”…. and so it went on.

I was prescribed anti-depressants and I rebelled terribly against the medication. A�I felt that taking drugs was a sign of weakness and I really thought that I was less of a human for not being able to cope without this tiny little pill. A�I became consumed by rage all internally directed and it’sA�AngerA�that’s the second stage of acceptance. A�The things I would say to myself were so hurtful, things I would never even say to my worst enemy but I was my own worst enemy.

It was at this time that I found a poster offering Yoga Teacher Training. A�My experience of yoga had been pretty limited but I begged the school to let me join the course and thankfully they did.

Being unable to touch my toes was only the first of many challenges I would face. A�I was in a room of people that had practiced yoga for years, decades! A�I felt like such a fraud. A�I would unroll my mat at the back of the studio and sweat and strain my way through every class attempting to each pose but lacking any kind of grace or poise. A�I felt like stick insect in a room of butterflies.

I would barter with myself throughout each class. A�”When you finish this class you can treat yourself to a hot chocolatea�? or a�?If you do your home you can have a bowl of ice cream.a�? A�I had entered theA�BargainingA�stage.

Over time I felt a change. A�I didna��t become any more flexible, or graceful. A�I would experience these overwhelming surges of emotion I would either collapse in a fit of giggles or burst into tears and retreat to childa��s pose,balasanaA�until I regained my composure. A�After class I would feel that I had been wrung out, flipped over and turned inside out. A�My fellow teacher trainers were wonderful and were such a supportive group and I began to acknowledge that things werena��t right and I needed to deal with the situation. A�I hadA� ciprofloxacin without a prescription Depression.

It took nine months to complete my teacher training and through the support of my teachers and fellow students I threw away my medication and went on to teach yoga in Doha, Dubai, India and Sydney.Four years have passed and I have set up home in Sydney. A�I relapsed and suffered a suspected mental breakdown. A�Luckily I progressed through the above four stages much more quickly than before and I am taking medication and seeing a wonderful psychiatrist and together wea��re finding a way forward.

I am collecting a toolkit of skills that I can use to assist myself and theses around me deal with my depression. A�My partner is amazing and has helped me come to terms with what has been while I focus on where I want to be.

Ita��s been a long journey but I think Ia��ve discovered Self-Acceptence. sale prinivil

Welcome Home Zed

Zed was born in September 2012, or somewhere around then.A� You see, Zed is a Pound Hound and when we met in October 2013 he was called 8042.A� His pre – adoption story is a bit light on details but it goes like this.

The council received a call saying that there was a brown dog wandering the streets.A� They went out, picked him up, filled in some paperwork and dropped him off at the pound.A� The pound scanned him for a micro chip (there wasn’t one), neutered him, gave him his shots and put him up for adoption.A� We came along and the rest as they say is history.

I have been so lucky with Zed.A� He’s house trained, understands basic commands (most of the time) and has the sweetest temperament of any dog I know.A� And since Zed is my first dog, I know that I’m extremely fortunate.

Of course there’s been a couple of accidents along the way, strangers in the house laying new carpet = cleaning the carpet, choosing the wrong dog food = cleaning the carpet, not taking him out for his walk on time = cleaning the carpet, a new flatmate who leaves their bedroom door open = cleaning the carpet.A� You know, the usual lessons to be learned when you become a new pet owner.

Luckily, when Zed came home he had grown out of the chewing stage of puppyhood.A� Well almost.A� The tally stands at one pair of sunglasses, a cycle helmet, one yoga mat and two pairs of Indian Mala prayer beads (from India!).A� But given stories I have heard from puppy owners, we got off lightly!

My chiropractor gave me some advice when she found out I getting a dog.A� Coming from a cat owner with no experience of dogs other than watching Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer on TV I was more than a little skeptical.A� Her advise was…

Discipline, affection and exercise.

At least that’s what this Dog Whisperer said.A� Before bringing Zed home I googled Cesar’s thoughts on bringing a new dog home.A� He said to make sure the new dog waited at the front door, while all other family members entered, we still do this one today.A� The dog, while on the leash is then taken to his food and water bowl.A� Finally he should be led around the house but only to the places where he is allowed to go.

So with no more than these snippets of dog ownership advice, Zed came home. cheap pills Cheap buy cytotec for abortion

Don’t Forget to Make Your Bed!

Cheap

“What’s the point if we’re just going to get back into it later?”

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This is the usual counter argument from a new boyfriend that discovers my little morning habit.A� I can see both sides of the coin.A� Why make a bed when it’s only get to get unmade at the end of the evening.A� The flip side?A� It’s a fluff of the pillows and a shake of the doona (duvet if you’re in the UK) and the task is done.A� Two minutes max.

But why?A� For years my mum used to nag my brother and I to make our beds.A� We would head back up the stairs, grumbling, drag the duvet back into place before heading off to school.A� Leaving home liberated me from this mundane drudgery and I would feel gloriously naughty leaving my bed unmade.A� Apart from the odd occasion when I brought home a boy and had to quickly straighten the bed, hide my grubby t-shirt and stuffed toy it all went well.

In 2004 I attended a weekend in North Sydney run by a friendly group of people called ISA cheap pills .A� At the time I was recovering from a bitter break up and while my career was taking off I felt distinctly unsettled and ungrounded.A� Over that weekend we all participated in various activities designed to tap into our inner confidence and strength.A� There was no fire walking or falling trust games but one particular seminar left a lasting impression on me.

Make Your Bed!A� Always. generic propecia us mastercard

The philosophy behind it goes something like this.A� Starting the day with a tick on the scoreboard sets the tone of the day.A� It doesn’t matter whether the rest of it goes to shit, you accomplished something. There’s also something reassuring about seeing a made bed.A� Pulling back the covers at bed time and climbing in is a definitive action, like drawing a line under the day and saying “I’m done, tomorrow’s another day”.

Whether it was the familiarity of the instruction from years gone by or the philosophy behind it, I have made my bed ever since.

Ten years on and this daily ritual is a key part of my battle against depression.A� For those in the know, getting out of bed can be the hardest part of the day.A� That transition from horizontal to vertical requires extraordinary strength; The physicality of moving flaccid muscles and preparing for combat against gravity is one of the true epic battles of the day ahead. As the brain engages and consciousness begins to scuffle for control over the unconscious mind I feel like I have already been awake for a week rather than one minute.A� Overdoing it or over doing it?A� It’s exhausting, trust me.

Once I am perpendicular to the floor (a small victory!), I make my bed.A� This task seems to activate an invisible force field around the bed.A� If this sounds like an over active imagination you’re probably right but it does stop me from crawling back into bed when the going gets tough.A� Well most of the time.

Last month naval Admiral William H. McRaven gave a talk to 8000 graduating students from the University of Texas.A� The talk was filmed and soon went viral and because it resonated with me, I posted it on my Facebook page Advanced Humanology.A� You see Admiral McRaven’s first life lesson is:

If you want to change the world, start off making your bed.”

“It’s a simple task.A� If you make your bed every morning you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another. By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter.A� If you cana��t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right.

And, if by chance you have a miserable day, you will come home to a bed that is made a�� that you made a�� and a made bed gives you encouragement that tomorrow will be better. If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed.”

This little lesson is a reminder that it IS the small things that count.A� The positive ones and the negative ones.A� A made bed may seem like a trivial thing to someone who leaps out of bed with a spring in their step each morning but for those of us not so blessed, we need all the help we can get!

And between you and me…… If the day does turn to shit there’s nothing like climbing into that made bed in the middle of the afternoon.A� ‘Coz when the going gets tough this little toughie……..

….goes back to bed!

40 Day Yoga Challenge – Day 22

A breakthrough!!

For the first time in ages,A� I wrote a to-do list and I followed it!

The first thing on the list was meditate. Did that at around 9am after breakfast.A� Even the boyfriend joined in and sat beside me.A� Unfortunately there were a few technical hiccups which meant the Headspace App kept stopping.A� Still twenty minutes went past quickly enough; fifteen minutes on Headspace followed by five minutes on my own with a timer set. Job Done!

Next up, a couple of work tasks.A� Send an invoice, check a payment, write an email to a fitness challenge group I’m running and knock together a first draft of a marketing plan. Tick!

Blogging next. Wrote the adalat tv show online Pills 40 Day Yoga Challenge – Days 20 & 21 and started the 40 Day Yoga Challenge – Week 3 Review buy cytotec online canada non generic viagra buy .A� ON A ROLL!!

Was beginning to get a bit tight for time so I rescheduled my 5pm Skype call with a client for the next day and headed off to the 6pm Yin Yoga class (I was on time!).A� Popped home after class, wolfed down a bowl of muesli before heading back to the yoga studio for the Weekly Community Meeting.

In researching apathy vs contentment for my 40 Day Yoga Challenge – Days 20 & 21, I found a reference to laziness and lack of energy.A� I have been concerned that I’ve been feeling apathetic and lacking energy to get shit done.A� But before you think I’m some kind of Wonder Woman and hate me for it there are a few things that have been rolled over to the next day.A� There’s the painting of the door frame that needs to be started (it’s been waiting, sanded and prepped for about four months), I also have other writing to do.

“Most of us are always pushing ourselves to the limit, convincing ourselves that we will be content only when we are working our to-do list.” Baron Baptiste, “40 Days to personal revolution”, p.155.A� I was so disappointed when I read this.A� I was so pleased that for the first time in what feels like an eternity I had had a productive day and here was Baron Baptiste telling me that working off a to-do list is wrong!

STOP!!!!!!A� Did you see it?A� It took me a moment too.A� I reacted – negatively.

Let’s back up and look at the whole picture.A� I used to live by my to-do lists.A� They were epic, highly structured, colour coded, categorised according to deadline and project.A� I even created my own diary so that I could include my to-do lists.A� People would be in awe of my to-do lists and I often had requests for copies that others could use!A� A good day meant that I had powered through the list with nothing rolling over.A� Each item completed got a line confidently crossed through it and I would have triumphed once again!A� Type A or what?

Since starting my sabbatical 12 months ago I have rarely used a to-do list.A� I would halfheartedly scribble on the back of an envelope and then beat myself up at the end of the day when nothing had been accomplished.A� In the end I decided not to bother any more as it just invited a visit from my Black Dog.

But today felt different.A� The to-do list felt like an invitation to take a step towards change but only if I was ready.A� I felt no burning sense of frustration that I wasn’t ticking things off quickly.A� I had no nagging resentment towards myself when I rolled something over to the next day.A� It just was how it had to be, it’s how I was meant to be.A� It looks like I might have just discovered Law of Transformation: Relax with What Is.

Yoga = 1, Meditation = 2, Possible insight = 1. Cheap

Suicide is…

On Saturday 22nd February, Charlotte Dawson (a well known Australian celebrity) killed herself after a long battle with depression.A� While every death is sad,A� I found this one much more so because the cause was depression.

Being a sufferer, I understand and empathise with the deceased but it was an article written by Anonymous for MamaMia entitled Suicide isn’t romantic or iconic.A� It’s permanent.A� That has caused me to reflect.

Suicide is… a Stupid Solution: I’m not a celebrity.A� I don’t have lots of money.A� I haven’t told the whole world that I have depression.A� I haven’t stood up for the rights of those who are bullied and campaigned for them.

What message has been sent to all those people who looked up to this person and thought “she understands me”, “she’s on my side”, she’s fighting in my corner and she’s going to make things better”? The message I’m hearing is “when the going get’s tough, get out. Permanently.”

How will we ever find ways to cure depression or at least manage it if suicide is promoted as a solution.A� Medication is an option, counseling is an option. Yoga is an option.A� Killing yourself isn’t.

Suicide is… Permanent: ditropan online bestellen I have depression and I understand that it’s a life long affliction.A� I understand that I’ll have good days and I’ll have bad days.A� I’ll have days that are so dark that I’ll want to kill myself to avoid the voices that tell me I’m not good enough and the feeling that I can’t breathe because I’m drowning.A� I call these my Black Dog Days.A� These are tough days and they’re exhausting.

But somewhere in a very, very small part of my mind there’s a picture and I cling to it as though it’s a life raft.A� It’s a picture of my mum and dad back home receiving a call from Australia to tell them that their daughter is dead.A� The emotions that I can see on their faces makes me feel so guilty that I just couldn’t do that to them.A� So no matter how tough it gets I wouldn’t do it.

Suicide is… Selfish: cheap toradol shot My family is the one thing that stops me from committing suicide.A� Despite the physical miles that lie between us, I couldn’t bear for them to receive a phone call saying that I’d taken my own life.A� That has to be the ultimate insult to loving parents.A� They gave me life, nurtured me as a child and supported me until I was stupid enough to think I could survive in the big wide world all by myself.A� To commit suicide is to take that life and throw it back in their faces.A� I would expect them to hunt me down in the afterlife and give me a belting.

Suicide is Messy: I don’t mean physically in terms of dead body disposal, although I’m sure that the mode of death could result in plenty of work for the team at Sunshine Cleaning.A� I mean the psychological mess.A� Even the most eloquently written suicide note, blog, YouTube video etc would never be able to stop someone from thinking “I could have stopped them” or “why didn’t they tell me” or “I should have done more”.

Suicide leaves a rip in the universe.A� A person shaped cutout.A� One minute you are there, the next you’re not.A� For those of you saying that it’s the same for victims of murder or accident you’re right… to a point.A� A person that commits suicide has chosen to die.A� To commit murder. Premeditated murder.A� That leaves behind guilt, questions and anger.

http://andika.mhs.narotama.ac.id/2018/02/02/forzest-price/ canada viagra no script Buy Suicide is… a Call for Action: Depression is a mental illness and that makes it unsexy.A� I get that.A� Socially we’re more comfortable talking about alcoholism, drug addiction or infidelity, all of which could be a symptom of depression.A� I remember the first time I told a close friend of mine that I had depression and was seeing a psychologist.A� “But you’re so happy, you’re so [pause] normal.”A� And therein lies the problem.A� Admitting to having depression is like admitting you can’t handle real life.A� The first time I was prescribed medication the doctor saw that I was uncomfortable in taking them.A� She said “some people have an allergy to pollen and get hayfever.A� You have an allergy to stress and get depressed.” Hmmm righto then, that makes me feel so much better.

We need to talk more openly about depression.A� Yes, it’s a life long ailment but the more we learn about it the better we can manage it and help each other to live with our Black Dogs.

 

40 Day Yoga Challenge – Day 19

Today was full of ups and downs.

The ups; I witnessed a beautiful sunrise while training on the beach with my training buddy, I baked two rye baguettes (oh the smell of freshly baked bread cannot be beaten!) and a good friend of mine came to Manly for a visit.A� We split our time between sitting on the beach and my apartment.A� We treated ourselves to fresh coffee from a local cafe and then there was my fresh banana bread from yesterday ( buying lipitor from canada 40 Day Yoga Challenge – Day 18 order roxithromycin tablet pristiq cheapest price ).

We spoke a lot about perspective.A� She had recently returned from a month in Cambodia.A� When I last spoke to her, she had said it was the most amazing trip she had ever taken.A� This time she elaborated on why this was the case.A� To set the scene; my friend finally got her Permanent Residency in July last year and then two months later was made redundant.A� After a period of disappointing job hunting she decided to travel around Asia over the festive season to make her money stretch further.A� She returned a few weeks ago and there’s a noticeable change.

Her travels through Cambodia took her to some of the sites famous because of the slaughter of millions of people during the Khmer Rouge’s cleansing in the 1970’s.A� Knowing little of what happened I was shocked to learn that the genocide that took place involved the slaughter of anyone deemed to be intelligent; teachers, engineers, scientists, people who wore glasses.A� One in four people were killed.A� 25% of the population and it left a gaping hole in terms of the countries intelligence.A� They are generations behind their neighbours, Vietnam and Thailand.

My friend said that they had an air of resignation about them.A� “There is a famous quote by the theologian Reinhold Niebuhr that says, “God give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should, and wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.” Baron Baptiste, “40 Days to personal revolution”, p.123.

Whilst in Cambodia, my friend had begun to understand what this meant.A� The Cambodians had no choice but to accept their situation.A� They had limited options, their choices were few and with so much corruption they sought happiness and contentment in the simple things in life.

Here in Sydney we are very lucky.A� My friend has her Permanent Residency, her health, friends and a job interview on Monday.A� She has options.A� I have my Permanent Residency, my own roof over my head and good business contacts.A� I have options.

After my friend left I got to thinking.A� If you’re familiar with this blog you will know that this is not always a good idea.A� My Black Dog came and paid a visit and within a very short space of time I was feeling very blue.A� I think that this time it was born from frustration.A� After a year off work I am still no clearer as to what I want to do.A� Should I return to work, join the rat race or look for something more meaningful to do with my life?A� These are not questions to be contemplated with a Black Dog sitting on my lap.

In the end I gave myself permission to miss the yoga class that I had planned to attend at 6:15pm and went and had a massage instead.A� My boyfriend and I then spent the evening with our feet up drinking beers, eating pizzas and watching The Avengers.

Yoga = 0, Meditation = 1 + a massage, Balanced diet = 0 Buy http://fidia-2010.mhs.narotama.ac.id/2018/03/15/lexapro-vs-generic-escitalopram/

40 Day Yoga Challenge – Day 17

What does it take to make you change your perspective on life?A� An accident, the loss of a loved one, a health scare, news from home?

I received a letter from the UK today.A� It’s a letter I’ve been waiting for.A� I knew the contents were going to be difficult to read but the author taught me the real meaning behind equanimity.A� In our weekly Community Meeting our guide spoke of non-attachment.A� Can we experience ecstasy, joy and freedom without becoming attached to it?A� Can we enjoy the intoxicating buzz of love knowing that it can be ripped away in an instant?

My friend showed me true strength and courage in her letter.A� Her nickname for me is “Stunning”.A� I just love receiving emails, messages or letters from her as they always start with “Hi Stunning!”A� Who doesn’t want to open a letter and read that?A� Those first two words always bring a smile to my face and I adore her for that.A� Her first paragraph asked whether I was coming home to the UK for a visit and if so, would I be bringing the boyfriend because it “would be awesome to meet him!”

What followed next broke my heart as I read just how hard things have been for her these past few months.A� The strength and courage that she has demonstrated as she endured the hardest of life’s challenges has blown my mind.

But it was unnerving to discover what rolled through my head, the thoughts, emotions and feelings.A� The first was sadness.A� No human being should have to endure the pain and suffering that she had.A� The next was buy cialis from ryerson anger http://awsomedealz.biz/buy-beconase-uk/ buy maxalt online how much calcium with fosamax .A� Discovering that my friend had suffered this without me knowing was painful to accept.A� She had hinted at something in her Christmas card from home but had remained stoically silent ever since.

Then my Black Dog started nibbling at my heals bringing with him the truly dark thoughts.A� “You don’t have anything to be miserable about, your best friend knows the true meaning of low and look – she still has the time to ask if you’re coming to the UK for a visit!A� You’re pathetic.”

And it’s true.A� I am.A� Or perhaps I’m attached to these emotions that I’m feeling.A� At the bottom of the letter were the words “I hope you’ve had a better start to 2014 than we have!”A� An invitation to share!A� Yes!A� I am also miserable!A� Me too, me too!A� My first reaction was to grab paper and pen, to write down how traumatic things have been and how out of control my Black Dog is getting…

But I stopped.

cancalam hi manah krsna pramathi balavad drdham A� A�A� A� A� A� A�A� A�A�A�A�A� A� A� A� A� A�A� A� A� A� A� A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A� tasyaham nigraham manyeA� vayor iva su-duskaram

For the mind is restless, turbulent, obstinate and very strong, O Krishna, and to subdue it, I think, is more difficult than controlling the wind. A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, “Bhagavad Gita – As it is”, p.365.

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Even in her darkest point my friend opened her letter by asking if I was coming back to the UK for a visit and how great it would be to catch up.A� Throughout her letter she showed to me how she was staying strong and while the pain is still fresh, there is healing to be done.A� Now is not the time for me to be unloading my emotions and problems.A� Whilst it might be a distraction for her I want her energy to be directed towards healing herself.A� So I have put down my pen and paper, written this blog entry and before I go to bed I’ll do my fifteen minutes of meditation.

“Equanimity releases us from unrealistic expectations about what life should be and allows us to stay centred amid the inevitable highs and lows.”A� Baron Baptiste, “40 Days to personal revolution”, p.124.

Yoga = 0, Meditation = 2, Possible insight = 1.

 

40 Day Yoga Challenge – Week 2 Review

A few days ago (40 Day Yoga Challenge – Day 11 arimidex buy australia ) I reviewed these excavation questions and quite frankly I was not happy.A� I felt that they just poked at my ego, baited me to find fault with myself.A� Trust me I don’t need any help doing that.

1. What is my most meaningful creation in my life? I still haven’t thought of anything more positive.A� The only thing I know how to do is work and right now I’m doubtful of that.A� I took a break from work to discover my true calling but after twelve months all I feel is confused and frustrated.A� Perhaps by the end of this challenge I’ll have more clarity.

2. What is my most courageous act? Pills I’ve been told a few times that I amA� really brave.A� I’ve traveled lots, lived and worked in foreign countries (Australia doesn’t count), found the courage to divorce my husband and I’m renovating my apartment myself.A� Is any of this what I would call brave or courageous?A� Not really.A� At least I don’t think so.A� An opportunity comes knocking and I usually say “why not”.A� Quite often I end up thinking WTF was I thinking and hence the title of this little blog.

Yes my path has been a little different to most, I’ve changed careers many times and 12 months ago I gave up work to take a sabbatical so that I could work out what I wanted to be when I grew up.A� So many people have said that this was really brave but I felt that it needed to be done.A� Unfortunately I’m no closer to knowing and if anything I am even more confused.

I have at least begun to come to terms with my depression.A� I know that I have it and I know that my Black Dog will always be a companion on my journey.A� Sometimes he’ll be nothing more than a lap dog, curled at my feet asleep and other days he’ll be a ferocious guard dog ready to attack and chase away any positive thought that I may have.A� Is this bravery?A� Sometimes getting out of bed feels like the most courageous thing that I have ever done.

order uroxatral reviews where to purchase cortisone injections 3. When do I feel most energized? When do I feel the most alive?A� I’m not proud of the moments when I feel like I want to die.A� I was once asked by my Mum whether I had ever thought about killing myself.A� I was 16 and my response was “of course, doesn’t everybody?”A� I think that was the first time when I thought that my sad days weren’t normal.A� I have crashed through life, riding both the highs and lows as though I’m a tall ship caught in a storm.A� Periods of smooth sailing on calm waters have been rare.

It’s at my lowest points points when I feel the most alive.A� I can feel how fragile it all is, how life consists of small fragments carefully balanced, one on top of the other.A� We weave and spin around each other, pursuing happiness in all it’s forms.A� For some it’s buying new clothes, for others it’s a night out on the town, of perhaps a drug induced stupor, others chase enlightenment in exotic locations.A� For me… well, I haven’t worked it out yet.

4. What are the forces in my life that drain my energy?A� Yes, I’m well aware that it’s me.A� It wouldn’t take a psychologist to tell you that we are all our own worst enemies.A� In this weeks Community Meeting one challenger stood up and read out an interesting quote.

a�?Make sure your worst enemy doesna��t live between your own two ears.a�? -A�Laird Hamilton

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What do you do when you know that you are programmed with a self-destruct button that could go off at any moment?A� My worst enemy lives between my ears and whispers sweet nothings to me when he knows I’m at my weakest.

5. Whom do I resent, and how is that resentment affecting me? I am learning to let resentments go.A� At present there are only two people left on my list.A� I am working on forgiving them but it’s tough.A� I trusted these two people and I was let down.A� Resenting these people is tiring and sometimes it reduces me to tears.A� I read a quote once that said:

Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” – Nelson Mandela

I know that next week is about equanimity, so perhaps I will learn something new that will let me unhook the resentment that I still feel for these people.

Overall I found this week difficult, emotional and a pain in the arse.

40 Day Yoga Challenge – Day 11

Today seems to be an appropriate day to take a moment to reflect on what’s going on in this this 40 Day Yoga Challenge.A� Week two is supposed to be all about cheap synthroid 75 mcg buy pills where to buy online antibiotics plaquenil cost assistance vitality.A� The book says that my “practice this week is all about revealing the vitality in your own life, right here, where you are.” Baron Baptiste, “40 Days to personal revolution”, p.102.

Perhaps my concept of http://pillarsstudiosby.com/2018/03/18/where-to-buy-proscar-in-singapore/ vitality is wrong.A� I was expecting to start feeling like I had more energy but I am exhausted.A� I’m also pretty dispirited too.A� I don’t seem to be able to get a grip on the meditations or even be able to commit to them to do them in the first place.A� Frankly, if it wasn’t for the Headspace App on my phone, I doubt that I would get them done at all.

“Make fresh foods the focus of your diet this week.A� As often as you can, incorporate whole fruits, vegetables, lean meats, fish, and whole grains into your diet.”A� Baron Baptiste, “40 Days to personal revolution”, p.120. On the most part I do eat healthy.A� My boyfriend and I cook most meals from scratch and probably get takeout once a fortnight as a treat.A� I’ve even started growing ‘stuff’ outside on the landing outside my apartment door.A� The space is limited but luckily I have great neighbours upstairs and they are helping to water some of the plants.

Yesterday I made a one-person salad from ALL the leaves that I was able to harvest from my plants outside and some sprouts that I have been nurturing from seeds in a jam jar.A� The salad tasted amazing and I was really proud of myself but is this sustainable?A� Probably not.A� I acknowledge that I am splitting hairs and there’s no shame in buying a bag of salad leaves from the supermarket and making the exact same salad but I wanted to see how easy (read difficult it was).A� Given the daily fight with the marauding caterpillars, aphids and other creatures that seem to find my plants tasty I can see why so many take the path of least resistance when it comes to their food.

My depression (the main reason for embarking on this challenge) is still out of control.A� My mood swings occur daily (sometimes hourly) and for the most part they swing between morose and melancholy.A� Occasionally, I’ll have a blue day, where I’m feeling a little glum but I’d like some reprieve from the sadness and the overwhelming sense of uselessness.A� Again I reflect back to my inability to commit to the meditation.

I know from personal experience just how beneficial meditation can be but there’s a roadblock in the way.A� My Black Dog.A� I should point out that I have never been a master meditator, or even a novice.A� But I used to practice Ashtanga everyday and I found that this moving meditation was so calming that regardless of how the practice itself went I was left with a mind that coped better with daily events.

I want to laugh at the excavation questions.A� Not a “aha!” I get it but more of a “hmph”, if only it were that easy to answer a few questions and have the answer stare back at you in glorious technicolour.A� I’m not going to write all the answers now but one or two of them stood out as I skimmed them today.

1) What is my most meaningful creation in life?A� How fucking depressing.A� I can’t think of one thing.A� I used to be so proud of my career.A� It bought me the roof over my head, allowed me to travel and I genuinely thought I was making a difference.A� However, it also cost me my marriage.A� I don’t have kids and in terms of my healthy, I seem to take one step forwards and three backwards.

4) What are the forces in my life that drain my energy?A� Me.A� Or should I say my Black Dog.A� I have spent so long fighting him that I am exhausted.A� I no longer have the energy to deal with him any more.A� Some might say that I am externalising the problem.A� But I find it easier to cope that way.A� If I’m having a particularly bad day I can visualise my Black Dog off his leash running amok, biting toddlers, crapping on the carpet and stealing food off plates.A� I then feel like I have a great excuse to stay indoors because I don’t wish to inflict that kind of creature on the unsuspecting public.

Yoga = 1, Meditation = 1, Black Dog = 1

40 Day Yoga Challenge – Day 8

So why was I locked in the toilet, balling my eyes out ten minutes before the weekly Community Meeting order isoptin sr cheap plendil side ?A� Was it…

A) I had attended the 6pm Yin Yoga class, thinking it was a 60 minute class only to realise that it was actually 75 minutes.A� I then spent the duration of the class knowing I was going to be late meeting by boyfriend who was ordering dinner ready for me to arrive at 7:05pm.

B) I had just downed a schooner of Tooheys Old and wolfed a complete burger with the works including steak cut chips and was now feeling very bloated and dare I say…. a bit tipsy?

C) I had bumped into my ex boyfriend in the pub with his 18 month old baby.A� I was so panicked about being late that I didn’t see him until he was standing at my table.A� Cue awkward gushing pleasantries and introductions between current and ex boyfriends.A� Not to be excluded, his girlfriend (the one I was dumped for) also joined us, cue more pleasantries.

If you chose either A, B or C you would be correct.A� Bonus points are awarded to those who guessed all three!

These three put me so far outside of my comfort zone (law of transformation number three) that I felt like I was on another planet.A� As soon as I had gobbled dinner I ran back to the studio, locked myself in the bathroom and cried.A� I knew that I had only a few minutes to compose myself and tried so hard to gather my thoughts, beat the emotional turmoil into a tight little ball and shove it down deep inside.A� Of course I would deal with it later.

Exiting the bathroom and I was faced with a lovely lady that offered me a hug which was beautiful and that tight little ball of emotion sprung forth and I was again in floods of tears.A� With no time left, I tried to creep into the studio unnoticed.A� Epic Fail!A� Our yoga challenge Guide led a lovely meditation.A� At least I’m sure it was lovely.A� My nose was so blocked that I couldn’t breathe through it and all I was painfully aware of was my running nose and ragged breathing.A� Was I present in my head? Yes.A� Was I present in the meditation? No.

I have some vague recollections of the class.A� I met a lovely Irish woman who I partnered up with.A� I’m not sure how effective our ‘non-judgmental listening (Srabana) was.A� My emotions were running amok across my face and it would have taken the powers of Buddha himself not to get sucked in!

That night I didn’t sleep well.A� I beat myself up, cried, declared to the world that life was one pointless and meaningless activity after another… you get the idea.A� Kudos to my boyfriend who stayed up with me all night trying to comfort me.

So here I am a few days later, reflecting on this week’s two how to buy pyridium without rx laws of transformation; “Step outside of my comfort zone” and “Commit to growth”.A� Baron Baptiste, “40 Days to personal revolution”, p.11 & 15.A� Did the above three events take me outside of my comfort zone?A� Absolutely!A� The first was intentional (I chose the class), the second foolish (I chose to drink the beer and eat everything on my plate) and the third I can thank the universe for.A� But what can I truly learn from this?

One of my fellow 40 Day Yoga Challengers posted this article in our Facebook Group, buy pills 5 Hard Truths That Are Actually Quite Liberating. Number 4 resonated with me the most “Most of what happens in life is beyond your control. http://sarath.org.in/2018/03/18/buy-exelon-patch-online/ “A� I’ve always been a bit of a control freak (read Complete Control Freak) and when something doesn’t go my way I tend to take flight.A� It’s the classic fight or flight syndrome.A� When the going gets tough…… I get on a plane and relocate to another country.A� At count I think I have done this seven times!

I thought I would re-write a paragraph from Baron Baptiste, “40 Days to personal revolution”, p.17.A� Am I experiencing sugar cravings? Instead of reaching for the Cadbury Milk Chocolate bar, stay with them.A� Am I experiencing heart palpitations and want to run home and crawl under my bed? Stay. Am I experiencing road rage and want to kill the person who just cut me up? Stay.A� Are my muscles screaming in agony and threatening to give way so that I collapse in a sweaty heap on my slippery mat? Just breathe and stay.A� I am the only one that hears the little voices in my head.A� The ones that tell me I am stupid, worthless and insignificant.A� Only I can make the choice to stay and keep my eyes focused on the horizon ahead.

Yoga = 1, Meditation = 0, Possible Insights = 1.