The long road to self-acceptance

I suffer from depression and apparently I have done for many years. A�I’ve found thatA� The 5 Stages of Acceptance by Elisabeth Kubler-RossA�is a really good starting point for those of us that wonder why we’re not bouncing out of bed every morning.

I had an Ineternational career, a husband, a houseA�and a family that loved me. A�In 2009, we suffered a death in the family, shortly after I lost my job, my home and then my husband asked for a divorce. A�I had always considered myself to be very resilient and each time I got knocked down I would get back up but by January 2012 I was finding it harder and harder to get out of bed.

I battled on and on which is always the first stage -A�Denial strattera cost canada . “There’s nothing wrong”, “I’ll bounce back”, “I’ll feel better tomorrow”, “it’s just a phase”, “toughen up princess and get on with it”…. and so it went on.

I was prescribed anti-depressants and I rebelled terribly against the medication. A�I felt that taking drugs was a sign of weakness and I really thought that I was less of a human for not being able to cope without this tiny little pill. A�I became consumed by rage all internally directed and it’sA�AngerA�that’s the second stage of acceptance. A�The things I would say to myself were so hurtful, things I would never even say to my worst enemy but I was my own worst enemy.

It was at this time that I found a poster offering Yoga Teacher Training. A�My experience of yoga had been pretty limited but I begged the school to let me join the course and thankfully they did.

Being unable to touch my toes was only the first of many challenges I would face. A�I was in a room of people that had practiced yoga for years, decades! A�I felt like such a fraud. A�I would unroll my mat at the back of the studio and sweat and strain my way through every class attempting to each pose but lacking any kind of grace or poise. A�I felt like stick insect in a room of butterflies.

I would barter with myself throughout each class. A�”When you finish this class you can treat yourself to a hot chocolatea�? or a�?If you do your home you can have a bowl of ice cream.a�? A�I had entered theA�BargainingA�stage.

Over time I felt a change. A�I didna��t become any more flexible, or graceful. A�I would experience these overwhelming surges of emotion I would either collapse in a fit of giggles or burst into tears and retreat to childa��s pose,balasanaA�until I regained my composure. A�After class I would feel that I had been wrung out, flipped over and turned inside out. A�My fellow teacher trainers were wonderful and were such a supportive group and I began to acknowledge that things werena��t right and I needed to deal with the situation. A�I hadA� ciprofloxacin without a prescription Depression.

It took nine months to complete my teacher training and through the support of my teachers and fellow students I threw away my medication and went on to teach yoga in Doha, Dubai, India and Sydney.Four years have passed and I have set up home in Sydney. A�I relapsed and suffered a suspected mental breakdown. A�Luckily I progressed through the above four stages much more quickly than before and I am taking medication and seeing a wonderful psychiatrist and together wea��re finding a way forward.

I am collecting a toolkit of skills that I can use to assist myself and theses around me deal with my depression. A�My partner is amazing and has helped me come to terms with what has been while I focus on where I want to be.

Ita��s been a long journey but I think Ia��ve discovered Self-Acceptence. sale prinivil

TNF50 Race Report 2014 – When wil the hurting stop?!

This was my first ever ultra-marathon and this is my first ever race report.A� So if you’re a seasoned runner, stop right now because you’ll have seen this all before and will be rolling your eyes at all my mistakes.

Pre Race Training

The first real training session was a run in the Blue Mountains with Brendan Davies in February (you can read that blog here).A� It didn’t go well and I was left with two bad knees that required continuous support and I really doubted whether I would be able to finish the TNF50 let alone run it.

Thanks to Google and the Modern Monk blog on Chronic Knee Pain I was able to self-diagnose, self-medicate and self-rehabilitate my knees to a level where I felt that I could complete TNF50.A� My training consisted of squats, lunges, stairs and soft sand walking three times per week, yoga at least twice a week and the occasional bush walk.

The Week Before buy pills

On the Tuesday before the race I had a soft Thai massage which I would actually recommend to anyone.A� Not only did it iron out any existing aches and pains it helped to relax my mind too.

Eating? Yes and lots of it!A� I ate everything with the excuse that I was carb loading.A� Pasta, ice cream, bread, rice… did I mention ice cream?

For the ladies, watch your stress levels!A� I had a pretty tough week leading up to the race and so my period arrived a week late.A� Two days before race day!A� By Thursday afternoon I was popping ibuprofen like candy and by Friday I was a walking zombie.A� Logistics wise I was prepared and made every use of facilities as and when they arose. For the record I did not wear a pad, not because of chaffing but because I once ran 24 km with one and there was nothing left of it by then end – so what was the point!

Race Day

I slept really well the night before (considering the strange bed and the imminent race).A� Breakfast was a bowl of muesli with milk which i ate at 6am.A� i had a quick shower (didn’t wash the hair) before dressing in my race outfit.

My race buddy and I walked to Scenic World (about 1km) this was a great idea as it warmed us up and helped to exercise out some of the nerves.A� We both made the start line with ample time to meet and greet fellow runners.

TNF50 Start 140517A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A� Catching up with TNF100 buddies

The First 19km

I’d like to say that I trotted out the first 20km without a hitch but I’d be lying.A� After climbing what felt like 100 sets of stairs, I realised that I had not done enough stair training.A� The knees were starting to grumble and I was beginning to doubt whether they would make it to the finish.

Behind the Fairmont, I made the decision to pull over and strap up the knees.A� This cost me about 15 minutes but when I set off I was instantly more relaxed as the knees felt a damn sight perkier.

20km to CP1

My foot placement had been dodgy right from the start and I kept hitting stones and twigs at awkward angles.A� At 20km as I was running down a single track when I landed on a tree root and rolled my ankle.A� I pulled up, shouting various expletives and as the adrenaline kicked in my ankle went numb.A� A couple of runners stopped to ask if I was ok but I waved them on as I didn’t know how bad it was going to be.

When the throbbing started I began to be concerned.A� With no painkillers in my pack I began calculating how hard it would be to walk to CP1.A� Then my hero appeared.A� I shall refer to him as “Advil Man” because after 2 Advils I was soon on my way albeit much slower.

CP1 = 9 minutes

I am so proud of myself! I whipped through CP1 and would have been faster had I actually planned to fill my bladder.A� I had emptied my rubbish, grabbed some lollies and was about to leave when I thought to check my water levels – EMPTY!! So it was back to the water tank for a re-fill.A� Had I planned to do this from the beginning I would have saved a bit of time.

how much toradol can be given im 28km – 35km

Finding myself on a familiar trail was a real mental boost.A� By nature I am a nervous runner and prefer to descend at a slower pace.A� Sadly, the knees were hurting and I needed to take the pressure off them.A� So using a technique learned from Brendan Davies (thanks mate!) I hurled myself down the descents and power walked up the inclines.

I apologise to all those I passed coming down Kedumba.A� I am not a light footed gazelle…. more like a rhinoceros in full stampede.A� I think I scared a few people with the noise I made and unfairly caused them to think that I was an elite runner powering through TNF.A� I think this thought was adjusted when they overtook me later on in the race!A� But CP1 to 35km was my fastest split.

35km – 45km (When will the hurting stop?) v v iiaagra

Coming up Sublime was brutal.A� I had made a last minute decision to pack poles and I am so glad that I did.A� At this point mental toughness is what counts.A� Plugging away at the inclines and making up mantras in my head helped me get through this particular section.A� Despite my knee pain I believe I was able to maintain a good pace and was only over taken by the first two TNF100 runners and another TNF50.

TNF50 40km 140517

The Last 5km – KILL ME NOW!!!!

I was passed by 5 more TNF100 runners (including Brendan Davies) and a number of TNF50s.A� I knew that I was losing time but I could not go any faster.A� Every step was excruciating and I had developed a sharp pain in my chest and pins and numbness in my left hand.A� Before anyone panics I am 99% sure that it was referred pain from using the poles….99% sure!

The Furber Steps – $&*%&@!!!

Partway up the Furber Steps I heard a familiar voice.A� Steven Gates had caught me up and provided the motivation and encouragement I needed to climb this stairway from hell.

I gave everything to this race and managed a zombified limp across the finishing line in 9hrs 30mins.A� Emotions took over as did the tidal wave of pain and I burst into tears.A� Hugs and physical support got me to medal desk, soup kiosk and First Aid tent in that order.A� I am eternally grateful for the guys from Windsor Original Bootcamp for propping me up so I didn’t collapse in a heap on the floor.

TNF50 Finish 140517 This guy got me up the Furber Steps!

The Kit (Stuff of Interest)

  • Hydration Pack – $30 from the Post Office (Bloody amazing! yes it’s heavy but it’s comfortable and fits everything in it)
  • Jacket – $60 in a sale from Mountain Designs.A� It’s not sexy, it’s not super light-weight but it’s squeezes up small into a little bag
  • Headlight – $40 LED Lenser from Catch of the Day.A� Another Bargain!

  • Nutrition – I packed too much but this is what I actually ate, 2 choc chip muesli bars from Coles, 2 Lo-Carb protein bars from Better Bodies, 2 Gus (Peanut Butter & Salted Caramel), Allens Lollies and about 10 dates.
  • Fluids – Probably around 3 litres of water and a small flask of Tailwind lemon flavour.

What would I change?A� Assuming that I would do it again…

  1. I would find a clip on drink holder for my small flask of Tailwind (or other electrolyte drink).
  2. Take painkillers – you never know
  3. Take less food
  4. Do more stairs
  5. Make sure I have covered all of the course at least once (even if I do it in bits)
  6. remove the pitts from the dates!

Final Words

The experience was incredible and 6 days on I’m feeling pretty good.A� The knees are still sore and my arse feels like I’ve been horse riding for a week.A� I’ve been to one yoga class, walked the dog everyday and I’m going for a massage on the weekend.A� Another couple of days and this will all be a fond memory!

cheap cabgolin 0 TNF50 TGIF 140517 Cheering on TNF100 runners!

40 Day Challenge – Day 29 (Fruit Fast 3)

bactrim from mexico There’s a lot to be said for the Nike slogan “just do it”.A� While contemplating the fruit fast and it’s affects on me, mostly digestive. I stumbled upon a realisation.A� Yes, a fruit fast is labour intensive, yes, I have had to manage my cravings, yes I have been a cranky bitch and yes I will be apologising to my boyfriend once this is all over!

Personally I think that anyone who did the fruit fast by signing up to a juice bar, home delivery or otherwise cheated. I’m sorry. It’s just the way I think.A� Preparing meals and juices by hand is laborious and I really had to think about what I was going to make. Especially since the boyfriend said he was going to support me by doing the fast.A� I couldn’t then serve up boring and unappetising dishes. (Not on top of being a cranky bitch).

I have realised how complacent I have been regarding my meals.A� It’s so easy to come home, grill a piece of salmon and throw together a few salad leaves and a dressing. Dinner done.A� I can happily eat like this for days before I begin to think about shaking things up.

There’s no way that this approach would work for the three days of the fruit fast!A� No way JosA�!

Every meal I put together during this fruit fast required the same steps. 1) Planning. Normally I’ve got something in the freezer or pantry that I can use as a base for a meal. With a fruit fast I was starting with all fresh ingredients – now things get interesting!A� 2) Preparation. I don’t care what anyone says. A vegetarian diet (or vegan) is hard work. Consider these two examples:

Meat chilli
1) chop onion and garlic
2) fry onion and garlic
3) open pack of mince add to pan
4) cook til brown then add tomatoes and chili
5) serve

Fruit fast chili
1) work out what’s allowed in the chili
2) wash fruit which are moonlighting as vegetables
3) peel fruit
4) chop fruit
5) chop onion and garlic
6) work out which fruit has the longest cooking time and add that first. Cook until soft but not cooked.
7)A� work out which fruit has the next longest cooking time and add that next. Cook until soft but not cooked.
8) repeat step 7) until all fruits are in the pan.
9) cook til brown but not sludgey then add tomatoes and chilli.
10) serve!

Maybe I am being over simplistic but I can put together a spag bol in about twenty minutes.A� It’s not a culinary masterpiece but it gets the job done.A� I put together a vegetarian option and after forty five minutes I was still waiting for my zucchini pasta to ‘sweat’ out all it’s water.

Step 3) Presentation.A� Nobody wants a plate of sliced fruits.A� I got away with it once, for the breakfast fruit salad but after that it’s gotta look interesting, appealing and tasty.A� It’s gotta scream “EAT ME!”A� “I’m a better option than a juicy piece of meat!”

So I say it again.A� Just Do It and Do It Right.A� Don’t cheat and take the easy option.A� Prepare the meals, juices, salads and snacks yourself.A� You’ll hate every minute of it but you’ll appreciate the small luxuries like oven ready salmon and frozen peas when it’s over.

Yoga 1, Meditation = 2, Possible insight = 1 purchase venlor Cheap cheap duphalac prospect Cheap

40 ay Yoga Challenge – Day 28 (Fruit Fast 2)

I am blown away by how tough this fruit fast is.A� I totally flew off the handle today when I misplaced the clear plastic lid to my seed germinator.A� You see my apartment has been undergoing renovation for almost a year now and I keep telling myself that I am almost finished but I never seem to get there.A� Of course it would help if I actually lifted a paint brush and did something but that’s beside the point.

What is the point here is that nothing has a home.A� There’s stuff everywhere.A� Every time I put something down I feel like I should attach a tracking device to it because it won’t be there next week which is when I’ll need it.A� Which is precisely what happened today.

I don’t think it was the missing plastic seed tray lid that got me so irate.A� I think it was more the overall situation.A� From 2004 to 2011 I have lived out of a suitcase or at best a temporary residence.A� Even when I lived in the Middle East and was assigned a house I knew that I couldn’t get too comfortable because I would be moving on.A� In all this time I have never owned any furniture or anything that couldn’t be transported in a suitcase.

On 17th March 2013 I returned from a month long yoga pilgrimage to India and set myself the following challenge; I would not leave the country for twelve months.A� For those that know me and with whom I have shared this challenge they are shocked and surprised that I have made it this far.A� I am renowned for jumping on a plane at the drop of a hat and I typically choose jobs which involve a lot of travelA� Not this time.

So why did I get so irate over a missing plastic lid?

According to Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, can you buy ventolin in france Aparigraha means non-grasping antibiotics no prescription fast Pills .A� In our consumerism culture this is quite a tough one as we are bombarded daily with messages from the media to buy stuff.A� For me however, A cheap lukolo parigraha means freedom.A� The less I own, the easier it is to pick up and leave.

Since moving back to Australia, I have set up home which required the acquisition of a place to live, the purchase of a bed and all the trappings that go with that.A� Six months ago, my boyfriend moved in and I went from having a sparse student type living arrangement to a crowded and overflowing domicile.A� I mean seriously…. we have three coffee tables, two tumble dryers and two microwaves!

The stuff seems to multiply in this apartment and the more stuff we acquire the heavier I feel inside.A� To top it off when I can’t find something that I actually bought because it has a use the more frustrated I feel.A� It seems as though I am surrounded by stuff yet can’t find the things I actually need.

Joan Shivarpita Harrigan, a practicing psychologist and the director of Patanjali Kundalini Yoga Care says “Before you bring anything into your home, ask yourself: Do I need this for my role in life? As a parent? As a spiritual seeker? Or am I just accumulating stuff out of my own fear and greed?” If you don’t consider these questions, your possessions can take over. “Once you get so much stuff, you have to take care of and defend it,” Hillari Dowdle, “Path to Happiness” cheap pills Yoga Journal.

And here I think lies the issue.A� I am surrounded by stuff that doesn’t belong to me (well not exactly!) yet I feel compelled to look after it, give it a home and in return it all takes up space and energy.A� So my rock is my perceived lack of freedom because I’m weighted down by all of these material possessions.A� I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with this one so perhaps I need to practice more of Law of Transformation 7: Relax with What Is.

Anybody want a tumble dryer?

Yoga = 0, Meditation 1, Possible insight = 1


40 Day Yoga Challenge – Day 27 “Fruit Fast 1”

blue pill pharmacy 9:00am – I am all over this.A� I’ve had my fruit salad and I’m enjoying a nice cup of Rooibos tea while the boyfriend sleeps in.

11:00am – Going to try the Power Align yoga class today, feeling hydrated and good to go.

11:12am – Shit, running late for class and I really need to pee.A� Just made the class in time.A� Going to have to hold it until the end of class.A� Thank god this class is usually easy going.

11:15am -Yay, it’s the new teacher from yesterday.A� I really enjoyed the class yesterday.A� This should be lots of fun.A� Still need to pee.

11:30am – No please…no more cobra, my bladder can’t take the pressure.A� I really should have chosen the Power Basics, I would have had time to get to the bathroom.A� This is agony.A� Bollocks to all this water and fruit fast.

11:40 – OMG this is horrible.A� I just don’t have the energy for this.A� We’re only a quarter of the way through the class and I want to be in savasna!A� I don’t think I can wait another thiry-five minutes……wait a minute!A� We’re going to be doing arm balances?

11:50amA�A� Can you die from a bladder explosion?A� I only have one other option and that’s an Upward Dog instead of Cobra but my neck won’t take it.A� Will anyone notice if I duck out of the class to go to the bathroom?A� Should have picked a space at the back of class.

12:00pm – WTFWIT?!A� I think I’m going to die.A� If I have to do another Crescent Lunge I’m going to vomit.A� I get head spins every time I put my head into Downward Dog.A� Seriously…….Kill me now!

12:10pm – FINALLY! Savasna! A� I can’t rest, my brain is just thinking about going to the bathroom.A� I am never going through this again.A� I swear I will be on time for class from here on in.

12:15pm – Bathroom… relief!

12:30pm – Fruit smoothie: Banana, coconut water, frozen berries, ice cubes and some water.A� Would be better with a nice dollop of yoghurt in there but this will have to do.

13:30pm – Pumpkin soup.A� It’s ok, but I would kill for a bread roll to go with it.

14:30pm – Cup of Rooibos tea and a handful of grapes.A� Boyfriend is having one of the muffins that I baked yesterday.A� I wonder if being on a fruit fast is a legitimate excuse for murder?

15:30pm – ok, need to keep my brain busy.A� Time for some meditation.

15:50pm – I’m hungry.

16:00pm – Time for another smoothie: Banana, coconut water, frozen berries, ice cubes and some water. Boyfriend has one too and makes the promise that he’s going to complete the rest of the fruit fast with me.A� After he’s done his 20km run tomorrow. How sweet, now he can understand the torment and suffering I am in.

16:30pm – popped out to the shops to get some more supplies for the next couple of days.A� I am clearly not as prepared as I thought.A� Halfway around the supermarket I see the celery on sale.A� Damn that looks good.A� I then realised walking home that celery is NOT a fruit.

17:00pm – time to start cooking dinner.A� I figure that this will keep me occupied until it’s ready to eat.A� Pumpkin has been cut into pieces and it is in the oven roasting.A� I’ve used a Chai spice mix in place of the sugar that I usually use.A� Fingers crossed, because I will be so pissed off if it doesn’t taste good.

18:00pm – the apartment smells so good.A� The ratatouille is on the stove and it’s starting to thicken up.A� Still got another hour to go, pumpkin seems to be doing well too.

18:30pm – time to feed the dog.A� Hmmm ingredients say meat and meat by-products.A� Very un-fruit fast but god I am so hungry!A� More grapes.

19:00pm – time for dinner YAY!!A� I have a small bowl of ratatouille and three pieces of roasted pumpkin.A� The chai spices are really good.A� The boyfriend has the same as me plus the left over braised chicken and lentil casserole from last night.A� I try not to look at his plate.

19:30pm – time to chill with the newspaper and a cup of liquorice tea.A� Life is good.

20:00pm – time to walk the dog.A� Boyfriend offers to walk the dog and it is pouring with rain outside.A� There’s a trade-off though.A� I have to prepare him a peanut and jelly sandwich for his training run tomorrow.A� Arrrggghhhh!

20:30pm – dog walked and sandwich wrapped and ready.A� I didn’t even lick my fingers.A� Still feeling a bit peckish so I finish off the night with five Majdhool dates.

22:00pm – bed. Thank god that’s over.

Yoga = 1, Meditation = 1, Murderous thoughts = 4 cheap pills lasuna online dating tegretol borderline

40 Day Challenge – Day 26 “Sabotage”

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A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A� asakta-buddhih sarvatraA�A�A� jitatma vigata-sprhahA�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A�A� naiskarmrya-siddhim paramamA�A�A� sannyasenadhigacchati

One who is self-controlled and unattached and who disregards all material enjoyment can obtain, by practice of renunciation, the highest perfect stage of freedom from reaction.A� A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, “Bhagavad Gita – As it is”, p.882.

Anyone observing me for the past twenty-four hours would have thought that I was preparing to compete in an eating competition, or maybe it was my last meal and I was actually on death row.A� Whatever wasn’t nailed down was fair game. I ate the left overs from the night before (after all they might go off), the open bar of chocolate (I don’t want the temptation while I’m on my three day fruit fast).A� I even baked muffins!A� They’re amazing!A� Banana, oatmeal and flax muffins.A� I added some pecan nuts and white chocolate chips too because the packets were open and they might go off – yeah right.

I had breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, a pre-bedtime treat and I snacked in between.A� I ate consistently from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed at one minute before midnight.A� I like to consider it as grazing but realistically they weren’t small meals.A� Breakfast was a full cooked English affair, lunch was a pizza with a schooner of cider and dinner was a braised chicken and lentil casserole with mashed potatoes.A� My boyfriend and I also polished off a bottle of red between us.

Have I set myself up for success or failure?

“To the degree that we are willing to see clearly our self-destructive patterns, they lose their hold on us and wither away.A� There is tremendous power in just knowing what is going on within us, not so that we can “work on our stuff,” but so that we can begin to release it.”A� Baron Baptiste, “40 Days to personal revolution”, p.31.

I certainly haven’t made the first day of my fruit fast easy.A� I have gone to bed very late, stuffed full of food and half a bottle of good red wine which my body has to process while I sleep.A� In the morning, I’m going to wake up and most likely be a little grumpy.A� Perhaps a bit of a headache and the first thing that I’ll want will be my morning cup of tea.

On the 40 Day Yoga Challenge Facebook page I spoke of the importance of preparation for this fast.A� I have my supplies in the fridge but I certainly did not prepare myself mentally for the challenge.A� Others in the group performed the fruit fast at the beginning of the week.A� Others like me, kept on delaying it, saying that “the weekend will be better”, I’ll be more prepared at the end on the week” and “I’ll have time to get ready”.A� Ultimately these are all excuses and what is really hiding begin these words are the obstacles that we need to discover.

All week I’ve been thinking about the three day fruit fast.A� It’s been bugging me and I’ve really struggled to come to terms with doing it.A� Is it hard? No, I did at eight week high protein – no/low carb programme last year.A� I lost 7 kilos and made it into the top twenty finalists – now that was tough!A� No, it was a different kind of chatter going on in my head.A� I’m still not 100% sure where exactly the resistance is coming from.A� Perhaps it’s the idea of ‘having to do’ something.A� Being told that this is what I have to do, that this is what I’m allowed to eat.

Whatever it is, I’m sure that it will come to the forefront over the next three days.

Yoga = 1, Meditation = 1, Expected hangover = 1 buy zanaflex tizanidine buy pills buy slimex 15mg uk

40 Day – Day 25 “I’m cured!”

That’s right!A� You read it!A� I’m cured!A� No more depression, no more Black Dog!

Do you believe that?A� Well right now I do.A� I’m feeling really good right now and I ‘m convinced that this is it.A� In fact I was already starting to feel pretty awesome yesterday.A� Especially since I only did one twenty minute meditation yesterday and today was the same.A� I reckon that this meditation thing has done the trick.A� All good – time to move on!

Wouldn’t that be amazing?A� Just do a couple of weeks of meditation and then that’s it.A� All fixed and we can get on with our lives again without the inconvenience of having to fit in two sessions of mediation and a yoga session per day.A� I mean it’s really tough.A� Now I’m not permanently employed at the moment and I’m still struggling to find time.A� There’s always something else more pressing to do.A� Laundry, errands, writing and walking the dog.

Time to visit our friend Baron Baptiste for some advice!

“[These daily practices] are a road map back to your centre, back to your inner teacher: your conscience.A� The techniques are the way to the way, but they are not the end in themselves; they do not posses any power of their own.A� They are simply tools for excavation.” A�Baron Baptiste, “40 Days to personal revolution”, p.30-31.A�A� What I’m reading here is that I’m starting to listen to my conscience.A� After three and a half weeks, I have cleared enough mind clutter to allow my inner voice, conscience whatever you want to call it to be heard.

Hearing this voice for the first time in ages is a pleasant surprise and ultimately reassuring.A� a) it means that I have one and b) it feels like it’s got something worthwhile saying!A� But this isn’t enough.A� If I stop now, then I know that over the next few days, weeks and months my head will begin to fill up with clutter and my inner voice will be drowned out amid the chatter that I have worked so hard to clear.A� Is this what I want?A� HELL NO!!

So I have to look at my rock collection.A� What is it that’s stopping me from continuing on?A� What is it that’s suggesting I’m cured and don’t need to continue?A� What stone have I stumbled across that is making me think that this is enough?A� Perhaps the Restoration Excavation Questions buying albendazole online hold the answers.

There are only three of them this week and the one that immediately jumps out at me is number three.A� Do I really give myself enough time to relax and restore myself?A� I have to admit that I am pretty bad at this.A� My idea of relaxation is going to bed at 11pm and setting that alarm for 7am and then getting on with the day.

I took twelves months off work so that I could take time out to nourish my soul, re-discover my passion and nurture my body and take the time to work out what I wanted to do when I grow up!A� In the past 12 months I have done… 3 weeks on a yoga pilgrimage around India, a full semester at the University of Sydney studying Exercise Physiology, almost finished renovating a 4 bedroom apartment, I designed, developed and delivered a corporate training package, completed a three month contract as an Operations Manager for an International Drug Testing Organisation and ran two 12 week fitness challenges.A� Yes, this is me learning to relax and find my passion for life.A� Now I see this written down, I am now beginning to see why I might not yet have found my true calling.A� I have only discovered what it is that I don’t want to do.

Time for some Pills me enterococcus uti treatment bactrim etodolac generic price time I think.

Yoga = 1, Meditation = 1, Possible insight = 1. Buy

40 Day Yoga Challenge – Day 24

cheap pills lasuna online bible order aciclovir from canada “Working this pose at about 80%, allow your chest to expand with every inhale.A� We’ll be here for a few minutes so broaden your breadth into the chest and see if you can explore the surface behind your rib cage. A� As you relax, draw your attention to the space within your chest. What does it feel like? What can you see?…..”

My mind goes blank and behind my closed eyes I am plunged into darkness.A� I focus on my breathing and follow my inhaled breath deep into my chest.

An image begins to form in my minds eye and with each inhale, like an old fashioned TV it becomes more and more focused.A� My viewpoint is from the ground as though looking through a film camera that has been set on the ground but someone forgot to hit the pause button.A� It’s dark, not nighttime but dim as though something is covering the sun.A� An eclipse of the sun perhaps.

I can’t see the sky from this vantage point.A� i have the sensation of being at the bottom of a deep chasm.A� The floor is a coarse sand. dark, grey and metallic.A� Perhaps volcanic?A� The ground stretches away from me and meets with the base of a rock face that is dark solid and foreboding.A� There is no end to this impenetrable wall.A� It stretches from left to right and steeply climbs in the direction of the sky. it’s black like flint with a metallic sheen to it.A� The rock wall isn’t smooth but jagged and steep but it looks too difficult to climb.A� There’s no warmth here, no life just dust.

I sense someone approaching. From the right I see three men in white approaching. Their outfits resemble the suits worn when responding to a bio-hazard.A� They pass by close so that so that all that is visible are their boots, the legs stretch up to bodies I cannot see. The heavy footwear makes a crunching sound with every step.A� Each one leaving behind a deep imprint in the coarse black sand.

As they pass one of them drops a silver canister. It lands in the sand and gently settles at an angle. There’s a soft click and the canister begins to emit a white smoke.

A canister is released every few metres and each one begins to smoke.A� The visibility is diminishing and the rock wall fades away and as the smoke thickens all I can see is white.

There’s a blinding flash and the dark valley has gone. In it’s place a vast desert. The piercing blue sky goes on for ever while the undulating sand dunes seem frozen in time.A� There is no breeze here.A� The dry air added to the arid landscape makes this land feel sterile.A� Could anything flourish here?A� Could life be sustained in this apparently barren environment?A� Perhaps it’s it’s hibernating, waiting for the one thing that will make it burst forth into life.

“…and with the next exhale, gentle move into the next pose.” purchase generic zofran

40 Day Yoga Challenge – Day 23

Law of Transformation Number 7: Relax with What Is.

I was dreading this one.A� I actually read a copy of “40 Days to personal revolution” by Baron Baptiste over Christmas.A� If you had asked me to interpret what was meant by Relax with What Is, I would have responded with order biaxin xl online display pictures of accutane packing resignation.A� This Law of Transformation was telling me to give up and stop trying.A� To realise that I can’t change anything so what’s the point.A� Why waste my energy?A� This is precisely what I wrote about in 40 Day Yoga Challenge – Day 20 & 21.

Three weeks into this challenge and my perspective on re-reading this law has changed dramatically.A� It’s not about changing people, situations or my life but fundamentally about giving myself a break. “God, give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other.” Baron Baptiste, “40 Days to personal revolution”, p.123.A� I’m being advised to create space between myself and the world that I live in so that I can understand how best to interact with it.

The previous six Laws of Transformation have led me to this point so far:

Law 1: Seek the Truth – Why am I doing this?A� What’s my motivation?A� Where in my life do I not have congruency or harmony.A� How would my life look and feel if I was living in harmony with myself and my environment?

Law 2: Be Willing to Come Apart – I thought I was about as broken as I could be when I signed up for this; physically and mentally.A� But I even had to shed this thought too.A� I had to be willing to unlearn what I thought I knew about where I was at this moment in time.

Law 3: Step out Your Comfort Zone – I pride myself on being willing to try new things.A� But there’s a difference to trying a new recipe and repeatedly going to a class that makes you want to curse and scream (Yin Yoga).

Law 4: Commit to Growth – I can only walk in one direction.A� If I walk towards something then it means I am walking away from something else.A� Walking towards a life full of calm and clarity means walking away from a life of chaos and confusion.

Law 5: Shift Your Vision – What’s my intention and purpose?A� What is it that my conscience is saying to me?A� Am I following my moral compass and am I looking at the big picture or getting caught up in the detail?

Law 6: Drop What You Know – While being injured could be an excuse for not doing anything, I’m using it as a catalyst to listen to what my body truly needs and this has been a humbling experience.

Without these previous six Laws of Transformation I would have totally misunderstood the real meaning behind Law of Transformation 7: Relax with What Is.A� The journey so far has led me to this point where I am comfortable to take a step back and allow things to flow at their own pace.A� My body will heal, my mind will learn to quieten (with more meditation!) and wherever I am right now is where I’m supposed to be.

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40 Day Yoga Challenge – Day 22

A breakthrough!!

For the first time in ages,A� I wrote a to-do list and I followed it!

The first thing on the list was meditate. Did that at around 9am after breakfast.A� Even the boyfriend joined in and sat beside me.A� Unfortunately there were a few technical hiccups which meant the Headspace App kept stopping.A� Still twenty minutes went past quickly enough; fifteen minutes on Headspace followed by five minutes on my own with a timer set. Job Done!

Next up, a couple of work tasks.A� Send an invoice, check a payment, write an email to a fitness challenge group I’m running and knock together a first draft of a marketing plan. Tick!

Blogging next. Wrote the adalat tv show online Pills 40 Day Yoga Challenge – Days 20 & 21 and started the 40 Day Yoga Challenge – Week 3 Review buy cytotec online canada non generic viagra buy .A� ON A ROLL!!

Was beginning to get a bit tight for time so I rescheduled my 5pm Skype call with a client for the next day and headed off to the 6pm Yin Yoga class (I was on time!).A� Popped home after class, wolfed down a bowl of muesli before heading back to the yoga studio for the Weekly Community Meeting.

In researching apathy vs contentment for my 40 Day Yoga Challenge – Days 20 & 21, I found a reference to laziness and lack of energy.A� I have been concerned that I’ve been feeling apathetic and lacking energy to get shit done.A� But before you think I’m some kind of Wonder Woman and hate me for it there are a few things that have been rolled over to the next day.A� There’s the painting of the door frame that needs to be started (it’s been waiting, sanded and prepped for about four months), I also have other writing to do.

“Most of us are always pushing ourselves to the limit, convincing ourselves that we will be content only when we are working our to-do list.” Baron Baptiste, “40 Days to personal revolution”, p.155.A� I was so disappointed when I read this.A� I was so pleased that for the first time in what feels like an eternity I had had a productive day and here was Baron Baptiste telling me that working off a to-do list is wrong!

STOP!!!!!!A� Did you see it?A� It took me a moment too.A� I reacted – negatively.

Let’s back up and look at the whole picture.A� I used to live by my to-do lists.A� They were epic, highly structured, colour coded, categorised according to deadline and project.A� I even created my own diary so that I could include my to-do lists.A� People would be in awe of my to-do lists and I often had requests for copies that others could use!A� A good day meant that I had powered through the list with nothing rolling over.A� Each item completed got a line confidently crossed through it and I would have triumphed once again!A� Type A or what?

Since starting my sabbatical 12 months ago I have rarely used a to-do list.A� I would halfheartedly scribble on the back of an envelope and then beat myself up at the end of the day when nothing had been accomplished.A� In the end I decided not to bother any more as it just invited a visit from my Black Dog.

But today felt different.A� The to-do list felt like an invitation to take a step towards change but only if I was ready.A� I felt no burning sense of frustration that I wasn’t ticking things off quickly.A� I had no nagging resentment towards myself when I rolled something over to the next day.A� It just was how it had to be, it’s how I was meant to be.A� It looks like I might have just discovered Law of Transformation: Relax with What Is.

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